


Healthy Relationship

by TonyStarks_Girl



Category: Actor RPF, Real People - Fandom, Real life - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Game Grumps references everywhere, and some JonTron, silly relationship, you guys are dorks, you know you want this shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 19:44:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2400638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonyStarks_Girl/pseuds/TonyStarks_Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back for another interview, you and Sebastian talk about your relationship and marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Healthy Relationship

“So, last time you were here you were engaged.” The interviewer said factually.

“Yes ma’am,” Sebastian said with a smile as he took your hand in his, showing off your wedding ring. You smiled and kissed his cheek.

“And that was a full year ago. So, my producers and I were talking about _what_ to talk about, and then we stumbled across an article, and we’d like to see if this defines you two.”

“I’m game.” You said with a smile.

The interviewer smiled back and picked up an iPad, “It’s called “14 Things All Healthy Couples Do” and since you’re the cutest couple of Hollywood, we wanna know if all things apply.”

You groaned at the name, “Here we go…”

Sebastian smirked and kissed your cheek, “Watch us do _none_ of this stuff.”

You laughed, “Alright, let’s do this.”

“Number one.” She started, “Share the shower. Yay or nay?”

You and your husband both burst out laughing, “Sure.” You breathed.

“If by sharing you mean bumping each other out of the way and arguing over soap, definitely.” Seb said with a laugh.

_“Move!” You said, bumping your husband._

_“Uh-uh.” He defied, staying where he was with a smirk._

_“You’re in the waaaaaay!”_

_“Good.”_

_“I’m gonna use your soap then.”_

_“No you’re not!”_

_You stuck your tongue out, “I totally am. Watch me, beotch!” You grabbed his body wash and opened it, squirting some on your hand._

_“No!” Seb shouted, reaching out to grab your wrist before you used it on your body._

_You wiped your hand down your torso, smirking at your husband, who was doing the Winter Soldier face. You stuck your tongue out in moved in the spray of the water as you cleansed your body. Sebastian glared at you and grabbed your shampoo, squirting a more than healthy amount on his large hand._

_“Seb, you ass! I’m almost out of shampoo!”_

_He just smirked, “Oh yeah? What’re you gonna do about it?”_

_You narrowed your eyes and pounced._

“So yeah, I don’t think we really _share_ the shower. It’s a battle zone.” You stated.

“Alright then, number two. Pop each other’s pimples.”

“Gross.” Your husband said with a disgusted look.

“Ew!” You said as you scrunched up your nose, “Besides, he doesn’t get acne anymore, and I’ve never had acne problems. I mean, there’s the occasional one on the forehead, but even then all we do is make fun of each other.”

_“Nice pimple.” Sebastian commented as you ate lunch._

_“I know, I’m really rockin’ the Indian look. By the way, really lovin’ that cheek zit. You work it well.”_

“Oh, that’s harsh. Okay, the third one is making fast food runs at two a.m.”

“Eh, we don’t eat fast food a whole lot. Most of the time we’re too lazy to get off of our asses and go.” You said, looking at Sebastian, who nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, if we’re hungry, our cabinets are always stocked with like, Pringles or something.”

_“I’m hungry.” Sebastian whined sleepily._

_“Me too. But… the kitchen’s so far…” You said, swinging your hand lazily to the direction of your beautiful kitchen, which was not that far at all._

_“We’re gonna starve…”_

“Do you binge watch tv shows? All couples do that!”

“Oh totally.” You said with a smirk, “Lately we’ve just been catching up on _Once Upon A Time_ because even though we’ve both been in it, that doesn’t mean we know what’s going on.”

_“Aww,” You whined, looking at the face of the Mad Hatter as he held Grace._

_“I forgot how sad this role was.” Sebastian commented as he watched himself._

_You nodded, “And then later in like season five when I come in… I almost cried when we acted it out. ‘Cause like, I’ve been supposedly dead since your first appearance, but then I’m not, but I don’t remember you or Grace!”_

_“I know!” Sebastian said like a gossiping old woman, “And then it turns out you had twins! When I read that I almost fainted, literally.”_

_“Right?! And when- I like this part, shut up!”_

_xXx_

_“How long have we been at this?” Sebastian asked groggily, not wanting to go to bed._

_“Like… since five a.m…”_

_“And it’s like… three in the morning now?”_

_“Almost four…”_

_You suddenly heard soft snores and managed to pause the show, your husband’s snores loud by that point. You rolled off the couch and immediately fell asleep, not even caring you were laying on cold hardwood floors in the winter._

The interviewer was laughing as you and Sebastian described one of your binge nights, which always ended the same way. She calmed down enough to wipe her eyes and continue.

“Oh god that’s brilliant. Alright, numero five. You watch the same tv show while you’re in different places.”

“Yes!” Sebastian said enthusiastically, glad there was more than one thing you did on this list, “We watch new episodes of _Once_ at the same time when one of us is filming or whatever reason we’re apart.”

You giggled, “We even talk on the phone as it’s on. And we sometimes watch _Criminal Minds_ too. His favorite is Derek.”

Sebastian shrugged, “He’s cool, why not? Yours is Spencer.”

“Damn right. You know you ship them just like me.”

Sebastian snorted, “I don’t take part in your shipping thing.”

“Oh what-ever!” You said, stressing the syllables.

_“Aww, look! Derek’s hugging Spencer!” Sebastian said into the phone._

_You chuckled, “I know! I wanna see a kiss. I love Penelope and all, but this is my main ship.”_

_“I don’t even ship them, I’m all the way with these two. They’re god damn adorable together.”_

_“Aw, Sebby’s taken over the ship! I’m so proud of you.”_

_“Shh, they’re talking!”_

“That’s a lie.”

“So not.”

“So is!”

“We’ll argue this at home. Next?”

“Occupy certain positions on the bed.”

“Eh…” You guys said, looking over at each other with little giggles.

_“Good night love.”_

_“Night Seb. I love you.”_

_“I love you too. No fighting waking up tomorrow, we have an interview.”_

_“I know, I know. Same goes to you, ya know.”_

_“I’m aware. Sweet dreams, baby.”_

_“They’ll always be sweet when I’m laying with you.”_

_“Sap.” He said with a smile as he kissed you._

_You giggled and kissed him back sweetly, turning off the lamp and snuggling into his side, falling asleep at the same time._

_xXx_

_You groaned, looking over at the blurry numbers on the clock. 2 a.m._

_Why the_ hell _were you awake now?!_

_You looked over to see your husband all up in your side of the bed, making you roll your eyes and roll over him, too tired to smirk as you smushed his face. You laid in his normal spot, your legs still over his as you passed back out._

_xXx_

_Sebastian opened his eyes wearily, glancing at the clock. 3:30 in the god damn morning. He turned his head and looked at you as you were laying in his spot. He sleepily rose an eyebrow and rolled over, shoving your sleeping body out of the way so he was mostly back in his spot, falling back asleep._

_xXx_

_You gasped and sat up, looking around. 4 a.m. You turned your head over to see your husband all up in your Kool-Aid, prompting you to push him over with your legs, the lower half of his body now hanging off the bed. You laid down again and closed your eyes, falling asleep once more._

_xXx_

_Sebastian opened his eyes with a groan, wiping them and looking around. It was daytime for sure, but why the hell was he on the floor? He turned his head and looked on the floor on the other side of his bed, chuckling to himself as he saw your (h/c) mane._

_“You up, baby?”_

_“Yeah. Morning. We need a bigger bed.”_

“Yeah, we don’t have specific sides. We go to sleep in one spot, and then we tend to wake up on the floor.”

“That’s interesting. I’d invest in a sleep number bed. Anyway, next topic. Use the bathroom together.”

“Uhh… Define use. Like, he pisses, I shower? Or I piss and he does his hair? Because if it’s like the latter then I have no choice to because he’s more invested in his hair than our damn house.”

_“Seb!” You said angrily, banging on the bathroom door, “I have to shower, I have to do my makeup, but most importantly **I have to piss!”**_

_“I’m doing my hair!” He said back, not really paying attention to you._

_“Sebastian Stan, open the fucking door or I swear to Christ I’m getting rid of ALL your hair products!”_

_You smirked as the door was practically ripped off its hinges, pushing your husband out of the way and heading straight for the toilet, grabbing your brush and brushing out your wild hair, wincing at a few painful tugs._

_“I don’t understand how the hell you can treat your hair like that.” Seb commented as he fluffed up his brown locks._

_“Maybe because it’s not as precious material like you think yours is.” You snarked as you set the brush down and removed your shirt._

_Sebastian looked over at you with a smirk, “Strip show?”_

_“I’m taking a piss and you want a strip show?”_

_He shrugged, “We’re married now, before you know it I’ll have let myself go. But my hair’s always gonna look fabulous.”_

“She’s exaggerating.”

“Am not. I swear on Bucky’s metal arm I’m not.”

The interviewer laughed at your chemistry, “I think this next one even you two can’t have a problem with. Snuggling.”

Sebastian smiled cheekily and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, locking his hands together over your left shoulder and pulling you closer to him.

“Yeah, this part we can do flawlessly.”

You snorted, “Tenouttaten!”

Your husband chuckled at your reference, “But seriously, we managed to fuck that up too.”

_“Snuggle!” You said in your baby voice as your husband came in your bedroom from a long day at the DMV._

_“Gladly.” He said before jumping into the bed, kicking off his shoes and stuffing his face in your chest._

_You giggled and kissed his hair, wrapping your arms around his head and squeezing him close to you, “My Sebby!”_

_“Yeah…” He managed, “Sebby needs to breathe, baby, as much as he loves where he’s at right now.”_

_“Oops. My bad.” You apologized as you let go of him. He smiled at you and removed all of his clothing except his boxers, crawling under the cool covers next to you and wrapping his arms around you._

_You giggled and kissed his nose, leaning over to turn off the light. It was rather early since you both tended to be night owls, but chances are you’d just be talking, maybe even take a little catnap._

_“How was the DMV?”_

_“Horrible.” He said with a shudder, stuffing his face in the crook of your neck, “So many people… In such close proximity… I swear my ass got grabbed like ten times within the first half hour.”_

_You chuckled, “Well, I’ll have to go on my own adventure soon. Dreading every second of it.”_

_“If you get groped once I’m going Winter Soldier on them.”_

_“No you’re not, you harmless little snuggle bug!” You said cutely, peppering kisses on his cheek. He chuckled, cuddling further into you, breathing in your scent, **so** glad to be back home._

_“You’re right.” He yawned, closing his eyes and kissing your collarbone._

_You chuckled, yawning yourself and closing yours, threading your fingers through his hair and falling asleep with him._

_xXx_

_“Seb…?” You asked a few hours later, hoping he was awake._

_“Hm?”_

_“I can’t feel my arms. Or legs. Or anything…”_

_“Me neither.”_

_“Fuck.”_

The interviewer laughed and checked her iPad, laughing even harder as she saw the topic, “We covered this last time you were here, when you were still engaged. Picking where to eat together.”

You and Sebastian groaned, “It still happens. Just this morning for breakfast it happened.”

_“Chick-fil-A.”_

_“We’re on a tight schedule, we don’t have time for the lines.” You reasoned._

_“True. Hardee’s.”_

_“Not the one around here, those bitches never get my order right.”_

_“Denny’s.”_

_“I don’t need food poisoning.”_

_“IHOP.”_

_“Disgusting.” You said in loathing._

_Seb’s mouth was in a tight line, “McDonald’s.”_

_“I ate pancakes their once when I was seven and threw up. Moving on.”_

_“Arby’s.”_

_“I want that for dinner.”_

_“Fucking. Subway.” He nearly growled._

_“Deal. As long as you’re buying.”_

_“Mother fucker!” He shouted, throwing his hands in the air._

“I have a feeling you’ll be going through that the rest of your life, Sebastian.”

Seb nodded at the interviewer, “I’ve already accepted my fate.”

“Almost done. Make each other laugh.”

“We do that all the time, be it stupid references, lines from movies, or just being dumb.” You said with a chuckle.

_“And when they have potatoes they don’t know what to do with, they call in Mash Man!” You quoted, tears falling down your face._

_Sebastian laughed, hanging off the couch as he held his sides, “No, no, no! Remem… Remember when Dan… “Sir, sir, sir, SIR!”_

_You bust out laughing again, “No, no! I got a better one! “Welp, I just murdered my ride.””_

_“Well, this is a fine pickle!”_

_“Oh, death approaches!”_

_You and Sebastian leaned on each other as you held your stomachs, breathing heavily. Once you calmed down enough you cupped your husband’s face, looking into his eyes seriously._

_“Sebastian…”_

_“Is something wrong?” He asked, concerned._

_“No…” You took a deep breath, “I appreciate it… But look what we’re dealing with man! We gotta draw the line somewhere! We gotta draw the fuckin’ line in the sand dude! You gotta make a statement! You gotta look inside yourself and say, “What am I willing to put up with today?” NOT FUCKING_ _THIS!"_

_Sebastian’s eyes were leaking with tears by this point, his cheeks hurting as he was laughing, “No, I gotta better rage."_

_“Which one?” You asked, a big smile of your own._

_“_ _AW! AW! You wanna fuckin' fight? You wanna go?! You wanna throw down?!"_

_You laughed and went along, "Hey look, a blue coin.”_

_"Blue Coin, Schmoo Coin! Who needs a blue coin when you got a mental breakdown comin' in the back of your head?! Givin' me Shines an' Shit?! Shines are for bullshit! You can't buy crack cocaine with Shines! You gotta use real money! How do you get money?! You sell your body in the Black Market to the people and they're all like, “OH, PRETTY LITTLE BOY, I'M GONNA STICK MY PENIS IN THAT BUTTHOLE!” But it doesn't satisfy you! When you do more Coke, you want more Coke, and you keep gettin' fucked in the ass BY THIS BULLSHIT GAME MARIO SUNSHINE!” He yelled, breathing heavily._

_You looked around, "...Suzy? I need an adult!”_

_He laughed, “Wait for it! I got somethin’ else.”_

_You giggled, waiting in anticipation._

_“I would play any game on Earth, yes I would play any game on Earth. I would play any game on Earth, but I won’t play that.” He sang, quoting one of your favorite YouTubers again._

_“Tap A quickly to not die as fast!”_

_“I bought the ticket I’ll do what I want!”_

_“Can’t forget the flying eggplaaants!”_

_“Did you kill anybody recently? Did you run ‘em over with your fucking caaaaaaaaaaaaaar?”_

_You rolled off the couch at that point, “Dude, your blow job lips!”_

_Sebastian held his sides as he moved to stand, “Oh god I have to piss now!”_

_“No, fuck you, I do!”_

_“Our wedding was three months ago!”_

_You giggled as you stood up and pushed your husband on the couch, making a beeline for the bathroom, still laughing as you eventually made it to the bathroom, Seb’s laughter only making you giggle more._

“I understand none of those references, but they sound weird and totally you two.” She smiled, “Change clothes in front of each other?”

“Eh, no biggie. Except when it is.”

“Every time.” You added.

_“Blue or green?” You inquired, holding up said shirts._

_“Green. Ponytail or swept aside?” Sebastian asked as he fussed over his hair._

_“Get dressed first, then hair. Blue jeans or black?”_

_“Black. The ones that look painted on.”_

_You smirked and grabbed the requested pair, sliding them on as you looked at your husband seductively._

_He bit his lip and pushed you on the bed, sucking on your neck._

_“No clothes.” He growled._

“Ooooooh, sounds like it gets kinky in the bedroom. Now, here’s a turn off, tolerating “Aunt Flo.”

“Actually, not that bad.” Sebastian said.

You smiled a proud smile, “Three days, sometimes four, no cramps, no mood swings, no cravings. I’m normal, just a little more blood than usual.”

“Yeah, I got lucky on that one. She’s actually a cutie pie when she’s at that time of the month. Baking, wearing my clothes all the time, just being straight up adorable.”

_“Seeeeebbbyyyyy!” You called, removing your apron._

_“Yes baby?” He asked, poking his head in through the doorway._

_“I made a cake!”_

_“Yes!” He walked in fully, examining your good work._

_Red velvet, cream cheese frosting. Your personal best and most favorite thing to make._

_He kissed you softly, “Do I get a piece now?”_

_You giggled, “Of course! I wouldn’t call you in here for nothing!”_

_He grinned and watched as you cut him a piece, feeding him a bite and waiting in anticipation for his approval._

_“You know… You’ve made this cake a thousand times, and I swear it gets better every time. Good job, love.”_

_“Yay!” You cheered, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him. You jumped up and wrapped your legs around his torso, smiling down at him as he ate another bite. He took his bowl and fork and walked out to the living room with you now on his hip, sitting down on the couch and enjoying the fantastic cake you made together._

“Lucky, lucky couple. Choose good topics for date night?”

“We don’t even talk much during date night, we’re too busy eyeing each other up.”

_Seb bit his lip as he looked across the table, his eyes on your chest, pushed together even closer by the snug black dress you were wearing. Your eyes were currently looking up and down his strong arms, the leather jacket working magnificent wonders down under._

_“So… How was filming?”_

_“Alright. Miss me?”_

_“Tons…” You said absently, watching as his Adam’s apple bobbed as he sipped on his wine, swiping your tongue across your bottom lip._

_He leaned in and whispered huskily, “What do you say we just cut the shit and go home?”_

_“Way ahead of you babe.” You set a hundred down on the table and grabbed his hand, practically dragging him out of the restaurant._

“Cute. Last one. Make pillow talk.”

“That’s when we let out all our frustrations and any beef we have with one another. One of my favorite times of the day.” Sebastian said with a smile, kissing your cheek.

_“I love you.” Sebastian said to your back. You were upset with him, and rightfully so, but he wanted to make things better now that you had a few hours to calm down._

_“Love you too…” You mumbled._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“Hmph.”_

_“Will you please look at me?”_

_“No.”_

_“Please?” He pleaded._

_You sighed and rolled over, looking at your husband. He kissed your lips softly and gave you Eskimo kisses._

_“I’ll call you every night.”_

_“Not enough. I want to **see** you!”_

_“I’m sorry honey, I really am. But that’s out of my control, you know this.”_

_“I know…” You mumbled sadly, wrapping your arms around your husband._

_“Don’t be sad, baby. It hurts to see you so unhappy.” He muttered as he pulled you closer to him._

_“I can’t be happy with you being gone for so long… And on another continent!”_

_“I’ll be back before you know it. And then I’ll take a break from acting and we’ll work on making that family like we talked about.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Cross my heart, love.”_

_“Okay…” You kissed his cheek and snuggled into him, no longer upset, but already anxious for his return._

“You’re planning on a family so soon?”

“We’ve been together for seven years, not including our one year of marriage. I say we’ve had enough time with just us.” Sebastian smiled, placing his hand on your stomach and kissing you.

You chuckled, “By the sound of our answers, our relationship doesn’t seem healthy at all. But it’s the exact opposite from what some stupid article says. We love each other and that’s the bottom line, so what if we’re weird and “abnormal” as some may call it? It’s our relationship, not theirs. And I’m proud we’re bringing a baby into the mix.”

You and Sebastian shared another kiss, perfectly content with your relationship as is.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any questions about the references, just ask and I'll link you!
> 
> And yes, my time of the month is as described here. :D


End file.
